Ever
by Cometas Por El Cielo
Summary: Just a oneshot chapter for if the alternate ending was the real ending. Makes no sense without reading Daughter of a Victor first.


A/N: This would have been to final chapter of DOAV had I followed my alternate ending. Haymitch gets to be angsty! This will not make sense unless you read Daughter of a Victor.

* * *

**Ever**

* * *

_Haymitch..._

As soon as that final canon goes off I make a sound similar to that of a dying animal. Which fits because that is what I feel like doing. Dying.

I punch the thing nearest to me as hard as I can. Luckily I punch the wall, creating a huge hole in it- I suppose it is better than punching Chaff or Raewyn. It isn't their fault. I sink to the ground, wanting to find the lowest point possible. I feel a gentle pair of arms wrap around me.

"Haymitch." Raewyn breathes. I wriggle out of her hug. "Haymitch I'm so sorry." She is persistent and just keeps holding on to me like I am a child who needs supervision. Hm, starting suicide watch early. Lovely.

Chaff sucks at hiding his stray tear. Ever is- was- like a second daughter to him. Seeder is bawling like a baby. Beetee is looking really depressed. Finnick sits there completely stoic. Actually, more like a zombie. He just stares straight ahead; he didn't have such a close bond to her like the rest of us did but he knew her.

I realize I am not crying. I am too angry to cry. If there is a higher power, I despise it, him, her- whoever- for letting this happen. If only Ever's name hadn't been picked. I would still have my little girl, still be able to hug her...still get to be her father. I am now able to cry. I let the tears flow freely, not ashamed of who sees. They would cry to if their only daughter, only child, only family died while they could do nothing but watch. Oh hell. I _watched_. I _watched _my daughter die. I _watched _like it was entertainment. What monster am I?

"Haymitch." Raewyn says again. I compose myself enough to look her in the eye for a split second. She inches closer to me to where she is sitting right next to me. I let her stay there and keep her arm around my shoulders as I just cry. "It's okay...it's okay." She whispers.

I turn to glare at her. "No. It's not _okay_. Dammit- I hate this! I hate this!" I punch another hole in the wall. "Just let me die." I whisper to nobody. "Just let me die."

"Um...Haymitch? Mr. Abernathy...sir?" A young female voice pipes up. I open my eyes and look up. Standing there is Zayna Code, this year's victor. The girl who held my daughter's hand while she died. I hurry to stand up.

"Yes?" I can't look her in the eye, I feel guilty about the thought in the back of my mind. _I wish Ever was alive instead of you._

She is still covered in blood from the arena; the only things done to her stab wounds thus far is having them wrapped in bandages to collect the blood. "Um, I thought you should have these. Ever is- was- the sweetest thing. I...I thought the meaning behind her token was just so sentimental. Her mom...both of my parents died in the arena and I never had anything to remember either of them by. I was six months old. She was lucky to have a father for her entire life. Oh hell I'm ranting and you are certainly not in any mood for this so, here." She hands me Ever's token and closes my fingers around it.

I am still so stunned about Ever's death that I don't open my fist for ten seconds. When I finally slowly open my fist I do nothing but stare at the token. I swiftly close my fist back around in and press my fist to my chest, closing my eyes and placing my other hand over my fist. "Thank you Zayna. Really, thank you." I open my eyes to see her nod and turn to walk away.

With her back to me but her head turned to look at me she says, "See you on the Victory Tour."

I grin weakly and nod.

"And the Games next year?"

"N-" I star to say, 'no. I don't think so. You see, I'll be killing myself as soon as I get the chance," but I don't. I take a deep breath and press my lips to the fist Ever's token is in. "Yes. See you next year."

"Good." She walks back to where some Capitol medical personnel are fussing at her.

* * *

_Zayna..._

The exchange with Ever's father went...well. Much better than expected. I really do feel sorry for the man. From what I understand, Ever was his only family. What does he have now?

_

* * *

_

_Haymitch..._

That night, I spend my last night in the Capitol- at least until next year. I promise myself I won't cry anymore. But I do.

First I lost Rose.

Then twelve years later, our daughter.


End file.
